I'm guessing it would be fairly normal to be freaking out a little at taking off on my own, overseas AND on a nine night cruise AND followed by a free-wheelin' ten days or so in the States and Canada, with nothing booked, not even my return journey, all in the name of trying to create a bit of space for independence and adventure. Oh, and the licking of one's soul's wounds after the end of another love relationship. Sigh.
At the tender age of approaching 51 years young, it's almost a bit more excitement than my big heart can stand!
Back in the early to mid 1990s - which feels around about 1990 years ago now - I did a few solo trips. Overseas. But of course, I was younger then. Not as confident either, but younger, and maybe that makes a difference. Too stupid to feel fear back then, and now I'm older I can feel the fear but perhaps too stupid to give in to it.
Actually that's incorrect. I remember, particularly on the last big trip I made which was back in '96, and that was the really free-wheelin' one with very little pre-booked, I had the usual butterflies at the airport departure. I also had a sobbing husband who didn't want me to go (and part of me didn't want to leave him) as well as a couple of friends who clearly thought I was insane to be leaving behind a loving husband and a palatial home, all in the name of discovering uncharted waters. I remember how fearful I was, as I watched those around me giving voice to their fears. And then I waved a resolute goodbye and marched off towards customs, passport in hand. As those metal doors - which always remind me of the old 60s sitcom Get Smart - closed seamlessly behind me with a final sort of whooosh, the first emotion I felt at that point was one of being alone, with nobody else's emotions interfering with my own. And once that happened.... I was grinning from ear to goddam ear!
It is unfortunately all too easy to take on the negative vibrations from those around you, when you're trying to do something a little out of the ordinary. It's easy to become overwhelmed by the emotions of those who would never take on such an adventure, and deep down really don't want you to either. I guess it solidifies their own inertia to see people taking life by the horns and running with it. Of course, back then I travelled solo by necessity. I simply did not have anyone to go with. Nobody in my orbit in those days was a traveller, or if they were, weren't financial enough to do it, or didn't have the time, or were tied down with children or whatever else. I was a lone wolf, with freedom. And money. What else was I going to do with it? This time around, I've been offered the company - not once, not twice, but thrice.. and have reluctantly decided against it. And I'm thrilled to bits that I've had the guts to do that.
I had big adventures on those past trips, and I don't regret a day of them. And I became gamer and gamer the more I ventured out. At one stage, standing outside the Black Canyon Motel in some pissant Colorado backwater of a town, suitcase in hand (because nobody had trolley cases in those days) I did indeed wonder at some of the choices I recklessly made. I mean, case in question: there I was, travelling along on a perfectly good camping tour in a minibus with about 12 other randoms. We'd done a couple of nights thus far, some white water rafting (awesome) and then I just decided for whatever reason that I'd had enough of being "organised" and that I wanted the last week of my travel time to go wherever I damn well pleased, at whatever pace. So it seemed perfectly logical at that point to say, "Stop the bus, you can drop me here," when I spied a nice looking pool in front of a fairly nondescript 60s style motel that we were driving past at the time. It was a hot, dusty looking little town, and that pool had looked so damn inviting, I couldn't really see past that. I just wanted off the bus, and not another night on a camping mat in a two man tent. It was as easy as that. And the tour guide, after much concern, finally agreed to release me into the great American wild. After signing the ubiquitous disclaimer, of course.
As the minibus rumbled off down the highway, I walked across to the motel (which looked like The Fork In The Road on Interstate 60) checked in, and about five minutes later was in that pool, feeling amazing. I had no idea where I was, or where I was going, or even how. And I was perfectly happy regardless!
As it turned out, getting out of Nowhere Fast, Colorado, proved to be a bit more challenging than I'd thought, as the town was too small to have hire cars, and in any case who would hire me a car on a one-way rental out of a place like that, without bending me over backwards. It turned out the buses also ran infrequently through there as well, and trains - well suffice to say the great American railway makers had decided to bypass Shitsville USA when they rolled out their tracks all those decades ago. I did eventually manage to board a bus which took me via some other choice nowhere lands, before dumping me squarely on the seedier side of Vegas at the untold hour of about 3 am. I could go on, but you get the gist. Adventure at its finest.
Fear simply didn't factor into it; it was merely a matter of finding the next road less travelled.
And so it is, here I stand, pen in hand, the clock is ticking. Time is fleeting, madness takes its toll. Only kidding, I just love that line.
I think I've got myself organised, even though I'm not entirely sure what to organise. These days I think it will be all credit and debit cards, as opposed to the Mighty Travellers Cheques (would anyone even know what they were anymore?), and I've done enough research to decide I will need all weather clothing, particularly once I leave Hawaii. I have an air ticket to get me to Hawaii, a motel room booked in Waikiki, and a cruise ticket. And that, my friends, is it.
I'm welcoming all armchair travellers with me on my most excellent solo adventure. It shouldn't be too dull, if my everyday life is anything to go by... I'm committed to having a good time, and hopefully without the chaos which at times like to hang out with me.
I might manage another post before I leave, as long as I'm not so nervous that my fingers are shaking too much to typpeeeeeeeeee.......!!
(to be continued with even greater discomfort as the departure date draws ever closer)....
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